if you don't like the idea for "Thirteen Days, Seven Nights, 15 Minutes," maybe you'd prefer "Erin Brockovich Must Die" in which a spunky and scantily clad law clerk faces off against ex-cop Jet Li in the courtroom but when outside it, romances him secretly, much to the disappointment of her three children and boss who battle nightly against the kung fu forces of Jet Li's law firm. it ends badly when all must undergo hysterectomies because they were unaware of the hexavalent chromium used in the ink of their legal briefs.

or maybe "Crouching What's Up, Tiger Lily, Hidden Dragon?" Woody Allen and Michelle Yeoh battle to the death in a film in which the soundtrack has been replaced entirely with a dying Chow Yun-Fat eulogizing himself. subtitles by Jade Fox. (hey, a "Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon: the Bruce Lee Story" would have waaaay too much kung fu. make your teeth hurt).