"I tried to calm him down," said Gamera. "He was just losing it, man. He started yelling at Probst, calling him a 'primate supremacist', and saying how the whole thing was rigged. It was gettng out of hand. And then it happened..."

Anguirus, in a fit of rage, promptly trampled Jeff Probst and proceeded to devour him. "Hula Hoop this, you sonovabitch!" screamed the spiked dinosaur as he stuffed the hapless Probst in his gaping maw.

i'm liking the Monster Island version much better than Australia. when was the last time a contestant tried to eat the host on the CBS show (speaking of which, there's a nice little tie-in for that. read some Survivor Haiku for more)?

"For seven and a half years I've worked alongside President Reagan. We've had triumphs. Made some mistakes. We've had some sex...uh...setbacks." —George Bush Sr., in 1988

i didn't pay much attention to politics in 1988, since i was all of 13, but now i wish i had. compare Bush I to Bush II.

don't f*ck with the clown.

a marketing assistant claimed that she was fired by McDonald's for her campaign to rid the world of the Hamburglar. the fun points of the story:

• the woman was hired after a newspaper story described her standing in front of a mall with a sign reading "Mother Will Work For Wages." apparently, i've filled my résumé with a bunch of unimportant educational history and employment experience. from this day forward, it will simply say "Will Work For Wages" (like any good prostitute), or, if i'm seeking a white collar position, "Will Work For Salary Plus Benifits," or if i choose to be a politician, "Will Work For Graft."
  
• of all the ills in the world, she chooses to start a crusade against Hamburglar? that'd be a little low on my list of priorities (if i were inclined to actually do something about the world's ills, which i'm not).
  
• "I figured what better way for McDonald's to show the community that they care." ah. so Ronald McDonald House Charities aren't as worthwhile?

had i been her supervisor, i probably would have fired her too for not notifying me that she wouldn't be at work, depending on her job performance. seriously, how good could someone be when they were hired from the standing-in-front-of-a-mall-with-a-sign employee pool?

yeah, it's a six year old story, but it got me laughing.

now i know what Faith is.

i bought The Slayer Chronicles last night, and had myself a little watchparty (with only me and Technicolor Bear, but all he did was lie around staring). Angel's visit to Faith in prison makes sense now (though i don't know *why* she's in prison), and seeing ultra-shallow Cordelia was fun (though i so much like her hair better now). and Anya! she showed up briefly! i had to hop up and down in my chair when i saw her.

Graduation Day was one of the best episodes! who needs Crouching Tiger when you have fight scenes like Buffy and Faith's?

there is nothing to do here at work. hasn't been a single report sent down in almost three hours. now, there's no one left upstairs to send reports down, so there will be no more today. but i can't go home. i have to stay here. i've run out of interesting blogs to read, and i'm bored. please, someone send me email. brighten the day of a lonely cubicle dweller.

pssssst! hey you.....email me!

it's that time of year again, for sugar overdose madness. personally, i don't like to eat 'em, but they sure are cute.

a profile of Bruce Campbell. and here's the ten most misleading B horror film titles. everything you need to know is at The Astounding B Monster.

The Academy of Science Fiction, Fantasy and Horror Films has announced its nominations for the 27th annual Saturn Awards.

Freddy Krueger is getting a Life Career Award, and it appears to have been a slow year for the science fiction/fantasy/horror/action/adventure/thriller genres, judging by some of the crap that was nominated. they left out a catagory: Film I'm Least Likely to See. my nominee, for the 5th year running, is anything with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

it's an old one, but indulge me:

"New York mayor Rudy Guiliani is again expressing outrage at an art exhibit, this time at a painting in which Jesus is depicted as a naked woman. Said the mayor, 'This trash is not the sort of thing I want to look at when I go to a museum with my mistress.' "

i love Tina Fey. not quite as much as Jimmy Fallon, but dern-near close.

As for the White House, a spokesman said, "The president has taken any number of bold steps to safeguard our environment.

this reminds me of the Simpsons episode "Guess Who's Coming to Criticize Dinner".

the Springfield Shopper claims that it's newspaper is printed on a certain percentage of recycled paper.

"What percentage?"

"Zero. Zero's a percent."

We'd like to have Baptist ministers and Catholic priests buying and selling drugs... —North American Interdenominational Conference

not really. it'd be a heck of a way to get church and mass attendance up though. that's actually a quote from a NYTimes article about questionable drug task force arrests in Texas.

please, God, i'd rather have Crowe be Bond.

HispanicOnline recently talked with Antonio Banderas about how the film version of Andrew Lloyd Weber's play [Phantom of the Opera] was progressing to which he replied: "I think we're going to do it.

this cannot be happening.

The rumblings have been around for a few days but it hit the press today over at MSNBC who have been in contact with a source claiming they've been trying to get Russell Crowe for the role of James Bond once Brosnan leaves the franchise.

it's a rumor. please let it stay that way. i love the Bond films, but i'd have to boycott them if Crowe was Bond, out of respect for Dennis.

Crowe joins an ever increasing list of candidates for the role when Brosnan goes including the likes of fellow Aussie Hugh Jackman.

that's better.

my keyword misdirection ploy worked too well, methinks. the leading referrer to my site for each of the last 5 days has been a Yahoo search for "s_xy S__di g_rls", although "melonenfick" is making a strong showing too now.

um, am i still hallucinating, or is there something wrong with the quote today?

not alot going on in the world, i see. today's a slow news day. instead of linking to fascinating factoids of national and international importance, i'll just tell you what's going on with me, which is, in it's own way, of international importance. stroke my ego and agree with me.

i didn't know that today is National If Your Job's Not Fun, Don't Go To Work Day until after i got to work. now i'm stuck here. i don't think anyone in the office realized what day it is, because we're all here. holidays such as this should be better marketed and publicized. Hallmark really dropped the ball on this. i'll bet their IYJNFDGTW Day card sales suck.

finally saw Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon last night. no one told me it was a sad movie. i cried all the way home. not really. but it did make me wish i had a sworrd, and that i was a Chinese girl so i could bounce around the tree tops and run on the walls. Chinese people are cool, and you know they can *all* do stuff like that. they're just too modest to show it.

Jean and i finally exchanged Christmas gifts. she got me the The Hobbit pop-up book. it makes me so happy to have someone who always knows the perfect gift for me. i had to hop around when i saw it.

i think i hopped, anyway. i may have imagined that part. yesterday was an interesting experience in pharmacological side effects. i spent a good portion of the day hallucinating after taking that Flexeril. some of the more interesting things i saw include lines on a page transposing themselves, an orange tabby cat sitting in my cubicle, and my computer moniter blinking at me. so no more prescription drugs for me. i'll just stick to large amounts of liquor when i can't sleep.

and speaking of liquor... ok, i don't have any liquor tales to tell, but if i had, i also had a good segue to go along with it

and finally, my last experience of yesterday evening was going to a Chinese take out place after the movie, ordering some chicken item with the name of Chinese province. i take my order home, open it, and find broccoli beef. i've only ordered from that place once before, and the same thing happened then, too. i didn't realize that broccoli beef was also known by so many names containing the word "chicken".

yippee! just got confirmation. Jean and i are on for Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon tonight. finally, someone's going to go see it with me.

ever other day or so, i get a couple of emails here at work that read "There is another 'I Love You' virus e-mail going around. If you get it don't open it, delete immediately!"

i'm becoming quite annoyed by it. whomever it is that keeps opening the attachment and re-circulating the virus shoud be killed denied use of the company's email system so i don't have to get that stupid message every second day.

i don't understand all the hullabaloo over background checks to purchase firearms (especially in the cases noted in the article). the buyer had to wait 20 minutes for the background check to go through.

[The man with the mustache] said he had been attending gun shows for 55 years, "and I've never seen an illegal transaction."

um... how would he know? it's not like criminals wear Hamburglarish striped uniforms.

and since i'm on the subject of the X-Men movie, are we gonna see Ms. Marvel soon? Rogue has to absorb Ms. Marvel's powers so she can fly.

but even more importantly, are we gonna see Dazzler? no...wait... they'd end up casting Britney Spears as Dazzler. i'd rather not see that.

a reportfrom Sci Fi Wire on X-Men 2 has Bryan Singer saying "I can't give you any hints as to whether the Sentinels and Dark Phoenix will turn up." that's the first time i've heard mention of Dark Phoenix in reference to the cinema X-Men, and i think any fan of the paper X-Men would agree with me that seeing the Dark Phoenix Saga on screen would kick ass, take names, publish them in the NY Times and refuse to issue a retraction. well, seeing it as it should be, anyway (God and Stan Lee willing).

Buffy the Vampire Slayer: the animated series? looks like i won't be sleeping in on Saturdays for much longer.

i was looking up some information on cyclobenzaprine (the generic name for Flexeril), taking a look at some of the side effects. the website cracks me up (not hard to do, i guess).

throughout the page, various terms are linked so that, when you click on them, you get a little javascript pop-up that defines the term. some of the words that are linked for quick 'n' easy definition are human, breast, mouse, age, male and animal, while terms such as vacuolation, tachycardia, hyperpyretic and myocardial infarction are not.

if the site is mainly for use by the average Joe or Jane on the street, you'd think the medical terms would be defined. if the site is meant to be a reference for medical professionals, would you really want to use the physicians or pharmacists who don't know what a mouse or a male is?

Not the face!

John Doggett rose a notch in my estimation last night, then quickly fell back.

scene: Krycek jumps into his car and takes off. Doggett runs after him. i'm thinking yeah! go T1000 on his ass! he catches the car, reaches through the window and punches Krycek! i shouted "No! Not in the face!"

Doggett, of course, doesn't listen to me, and continues to beat him.

bad Doggett! bad! he needs to be bonked on the head with a rolled up newspaper.

i love nature documentaries.
[diminutive mammalian facts brought to you by planet smarty marty]

egad. i just noticed that my archives aren't publishing.

and no, that's not an April Fool's joke. if it was, it'd be even lamer than my two oranges joke (yes, this is an attempt to get everyone to reconsider a joke that never fails to make me laugh).