i just received my copy of the department productivity report for last month. according to the report, all total, i only worked 55.7% of the time. now, that can be adjusted some for the 4 days i was out sick, so it's actually a little better than that. not a lot though.

the problem isn't that i spend too much time goofing off (though i do). the problem is my speed. it's been stepped on so many times that it's not.... oops. wrong speed.

anyway, the problem is that i'm able to finish my work so quickly that i'm left with nothing to do for great portions of the day. i could push my goofing off into those unoccupied times, but the whole point of goofing off is to be doing it while you're supposed to be doing something else. if i did it when i don't have any work, then it wouldn't really be goofing off, would it? so what's a guy to do?

last week, Ritalin Junkie told the tale of a high school kid who was being investigated by his school's staff for writing several Joker quotes from The Killing Joke (a graphic novel, for the Batman impaired) on one of his notebooks. today, the kid updated RJ on events:

"...they decided not to suspend me on the condition that everything I write I have to turn into them for examination, and I have to report what books I'm reading to them."

i realize that minors are often denied things we adults claim rights to, like privacy, protection against unreasonable search and seizure, and representation by legal council, especially in this current atmosphere of oh-my-god-kids-are-the-deadliest-fucking-things-in-the-nation, but don't you think people are taking this a little too far?

something like this makes me lean toward the 'hate' side of my love/hate relationship with politics.

oh, yippee. this happened down the street from my house. schools, car washes, coleslaw wrestling matches... are there no safe places left?

Man shot dead after hammer attack.

"...fractured skull, a lacerated liver, a broken rib, internal hemorrhaging..."

nah, he didn't know he was killing her. he was just playing.

they don't kick in your door and force your obedience at gunpoint anymore. now, they find ways to scare you into inviting them in and handing control to them.

and where do two 14 year old boys get $1500 worth of heroin? no, seriously, i want to know. i'm having a party this weekend.

more tragedy. what's this country coming to?

Parachute Accident Mars Coleslaw Wrestling

i found it!

Animaniacs Variety pack!
and it has The Monkey Song!

Buffy can't look good without the help of the Behind the Camera Scoobies.
[this turn on the catwalk by Lots of Co., inspired by the plunging necklines and fun, frisky use of color by Pop Culture Junk Mail.]

Police are searching for a 40- year-old man who is charged with one felony count of failing to appear in court to face a count of being a fugitive from justice.

i probably shouldn't laugh at that but i think it's funny.

eunuch's beauty contest.

hmm. he pulled the trigger to see if the safety was on.

maybe ninja training is the answer after all. get the guns out of the military (and into the hands of school children, apparently).
[second link stealthily captured from Lots of Co.]

forget teaching martial arts to marines. i say they should create a whole new military branch of Ninjas.... no, Ninjas...uh...Ninjas.... Ninjas?

my sister is so lucky. from her front yard, she can see shuttle launches. she always has to call afterwards and tell me about it.

I can Dance if I want to!

y'know what Celebrity Death Match i'd like to see? Kristy Swanson vs. Sarah Michelle Gellar.

if you want to send spam to me, that's fine. i'll delete it without reading it, so you'd be wasting your time, and it's only a mild inconvenience to me since i enjoy organizing my mailboxes.

but if you want to fool me into reading it by entering something legitimate sounding in the subject line (like "I think we may have gone to high school together"), try also to send it from a legitimate e-mail address. i delete all messages from 'hotsluttybitches@msn.com' without reading them.

cthulhu is kick ass cool in its own right, but a Scooby Doo Cthulhu kicks the ass of kick ass cool. though i don't think Scooby and co. would survive the world of cthulhu.

i can deal with the Daphne and Velma, i'm undecided about the Shaggy, but i'm sure i don't like the Freddy. where's his little scarf-kerchief thing?

i think i'd have a hard time taking myself seriously if i was member of ELF. i think other people would have a hard time taking me seriously.

me: i'm a member of ELF.

you: *snicker* So you believe in fairies and stuff? You think you might be one?

me: uh, no. we set fires, and break windows, and spike trees and stuff like that.

you: you're not a very nice fairy, are you?

yippee for me. i received my first email-attachment virus ever. today's such a special day.

Even the batmobile looks like the average vehicle of a homosexual.

heh. i wish my car looked like the Batmobile.
[secret identity revealed by UltraSparky]

why do i have an old Sonny and Cher song running through my head?

those wacky S**di Ar*bian guys... coming to my blog looking for "mom breast pics". i don't think so.

i should watch/read the news more often. i didn't know anything about a blizzard in the northeast. i'm days behind the rest of the world.

as a companion piece to the "Supreme Court Stuff" post, i'd like to point you to The Supreme Court's Greatest Hits.

Supreme Court Stuff
for your enjoyment

The Supreme Court v. Balance of Powers (reg. req.) someone just needs to spank them.

will they being wearing their hoods while picking up litter?

the Secretary of State has too much power, methinks.

score one for the EPA.

and lastly, On this day in Supreme Court history: the decision for Dred Scott v. Sanford was handed down in 1857.

by the by, take a look over at the right side and welcome Grazing Reality to The List (sounds important when it's capitalized, doesn't it?). i meant to do this last Friday evening, but with the DSL problems at home, i couldn't. once the DSL was up, i remembered her name, couldn't remember the name of her blog to find it again. stupid terrence dummy boy.

problem is, i didn't know where i should add her. she's only the 2nd female on The List, and only the 2nd straight person, so i couldn't add her to the bottom of The List. i like to catagorize. like things must be together, so Grazing Reality needed to be up there with Ritalin Junkie. but, RJ is set apart for a reason, so i couldn't do that. i didn't want to create a new grouping (if a blog's on The List, there's a reason for it. no need to subdivide, save for RJ, but that's different), so i just threw her in at the top of the guys, yet close enough to RJ to maintain the grouping of like things.

none of you care about this, i know. just go by and say hi.

i'm glad i wasn't the only one who thought Dawn's art teacher looked a tad too much like Joyce. i thought it was some sort of ghostly-motherly-with-straight-flat-hair Joyce watching over her daughters. i had to see the ep a second time to realize that it wasn't her.

---------

yes, i know this is a week late. i haven't been able to talk about it until now. so nyeh.

oh. so that's what happened to The Tick.

egad. Neelix may be leaving Voyager before the finale. if someone is going to leave/die/evolve-into-a-higher-life-form-à-la-Wesley-Sisko-and-Kes, i was hoping it'd be Chakotay. he's been getting on my head lately.

a writer's strike is really going to suck.

heh. Women Probably Don't Have Souls

i went out tonight and spent the evening dancing. all in all, good fun. i managed to see a Dean look alike (or, what i think Dean looks like, gathered from the pics he posts of himself, mainly this recent pic). he was wrapping himself around a pole at a local queer discotheque, which, while quite enjoyable to see at first, began to bore me when he stopped taking clothing off. bastard.

vicarious blogster thrills.

afterward, i came home to find that (hooray!) the DSL problems i've been experiencing since yesterday afternoon were corrected, and i actually can get online tonight. not that i have much reason to. it's just nice to check my email before bed. which i should do now instead of reading blogs.

ok, i'm gone.