Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr.. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy.

[heh provided by Missy's Email Jokes]

hee! my new Buffy videos came with some Buffy temporary tattoos! i'm geek-cheesing it! could this weekend get any better *onlybynotwakingupaloneinthemorning* ?

today has been a good day. i am rid of the automotive demoness. i traded her in for a new mistress. i didn't disclose to the dealer that my car was possessed by an evil force of hell. i don't think state law requires that of me. now i have a shiny (not quite) new car with power everything and shininess! i like shiny cars!

as i tried out my shiny car, i made a quick stop at a music/video store and found the box set for Buffy, with "Welcome to the Hellmouth," et.al. on sale! yippee for me! more Buffy! my weekend will be full of driving and Buffyness.

should have taped Lone Gunmen tonight. how often am i going to get to see Jimmy with no shirt?

a group wants reparations for atrocities committed by Union forces during the Civil War and for atrocities committed during Reconstruction.

my response: it was a domestic uprising. a rebellion. a war. to the victor goes the spoils. tough.

however, if we wish to speak of things that will never happen that we really really wish would happen, then i must ask that all non-Native American people please return to the eastern hemisphere. you may take only what you can carry. non-Native Americans who wish to stay must present your application to me in person. my decision will be completely binding, and completely arbitrary (have an excellent recipe for eggplant parmasan? maybe you'll get to stay. make me laugh, and you may get to stay. get me randy on sight, and you can definitely stay).
[pipe dreams by Max]

here's the next in the series of "Things That Keep Me Up At Night", or, if i'm at work, "Things That Distract Me From Doing My Job":

if Bo and Luke and Daisy Duke are all cousins, where are their parents? why are they all living with Uncle Jesse? and, seriously, what are a couple of handsome fellows like them doing unmarried in their 30s, living together with the bachelor uncle, and sharing a car? the same can be asked of Coy and Vance too.

isn't Boss Hogg just a bit too obsessed with that family, always trying to get the Duke Boys in his clutches?

i forgot to mention this before: my archives index is back up. i don't know what i screwed up, but blogger will only publish the current week in the index, so i've gone through and created the page manually. go me for being bored.

In experiments with mice, his team found that animals engineered to lack brain receptors for natural cannabinoids were less likely to pig-out after fasting, compared with normal mice.

were these Muslim mice during Ramadan? or Jewish mice on Yom Kippur? since when do mice fast?
[go here to see the article. the thought of "more-pious-than-you" mice fasting cracks me up.]

ok, folks. nothing happening in the world today. go home and go to back to bed.

the April 14 issue of TV Guide has a little table comparing Buffy the Vampire Slayer to ER to show how the two shows are becoming more similar:

Buffy	ER
Popular and sympathetic mother Joyce Summers develops a brain tumor.	Popular and sympathetic father Mark Green develops a brain tumor.
Established heterosexual Willow, the reheaded witch, goes lesbian.	Established heterosexual Kerry Weaver, the reheaded bitch, goes lesbian.
A brooding foreigner with a tragic past, Spike, replaces a hunky American as a love interest.	A brooding foreigner with a tragic past, Luka Kovac, replaces a hunky American as a love interest.
Olaf, a large and bellicose troll (played by actor Abraham Benrubi) wreaks comic havoc in the magic shop.	Jerry, a large and bellicose desk clerk (played by actor Abraham Benrubi) wreaks comic havoc in the ER.
A petite and attractive woman mysteriously appears in Sunnydale. Surrounded by a cache of minions, she sucks the brains from humans during her maniacal march toward world domination.	Sally Field gueststars.

is this thing posting yet?

i have several recurring dreams. last night was the Starsky and Hutch dream.

the S&H dream is, at it's most basic, just a pursuit. i'm a criminal of some type, and they're chasing me. usually, there's not a lot to it.

last night, though, i was a major multiple-felon, and also had the FBI after me. there was a spectacular chase scene through the streets of what looked to me to be a blend of Chicago and Dallas, with me on my skateboard, being very Tony Hawk. i managed to elude them by jumping over a wall and ending up in Claremore, the town i grew up in. the rest of the dream takes place there.

i met up with Agent Reyes, who hid me from Starsky and Hutch. i fled, and ended up in a neighborhood composed of TV Families. seriously. the Huxtables were there, the Harpers from "Mama's Family" too, and this strange amalgam-family of Dick Van Patton and Florence Henderson raising a bunch of kids (none of which were Bradys or Bradfords). even stanger, all the Golden Girls were there, only they were kicking ass like Charlie's Angels. they fought off the FBI, but then turned on me, fortunately, i had some Slayer skilz, and staked Rue McClanahan before the other three ran off.

there wasn't much more after that. it sounds like i've been watching to much TVLand or TNT or something, but i swear that i don't watch them at all, and i haven't seen Starsky and Hutch since it originally aired.

where'd he find that? now, my desktop wallpaper is a cap of his desktop. something wrong there.

today also happens to be his birthday. go wish him well.

i'm too obsessed.

reading the paper, i come across the headline "Keating spares life of slayer" (Keating is the governor of Oklahoma), and i think to myself, "spares, my ass. she can take him, hands down"

maybe it's time for terrence to turn off the tv for a while.

from the Tulsa World (since i can't link to it):

The [Oklahoma] House of Representatives passed a resolution Tuesday denouncing the book "American Terrorist: Timothy McVeigh and the Oklahoma City Bombing."

House Concurrent Resolution 1021 says, "It is inappropriate to give recognition and publicity to a man who should be held in public contempt and disdain for his cowardice act of terrorism, and, no matter what justifications are advanced by the authors and publisher, give an admitted mass murderer another opportunity to be in the public spotlight."

The author of the measure, Rep. Jim Newport, R-Ponca City, said, "The idea is to simply not give any more attention to a mass murderer and a terrorist."

The Senate also passed the resolution Tuesday.

Sen. Grover Campbell, R-Owasso, asked, "Are you telling me we are going to deny public attention to this book by passing a resolution that is going to be printed in the House and Senate journals and reported by the media?"

"Unfortunately that's true," replied Sen. Mark Snyder, R-Edmond, the Senate author of the measure.

heh. god bless the simple little minds that are running this state.

i haven't seen it since junior high, so, could some please fill me in on why Catholics would be offended by The Exorcist?

were you one of those people who left the theater after Battlefield Earth and said to your friends "Man! that'd make a great cartoon series!" no? then who the f*ck was it?

Five Great Looks from this season's Buffyverse. i'm not so keen on the Buffster's earrings, but the Host and the diabolic duo of Darla and Dru definitely get my vote.

and for those of us who just can't get enough sadness and pain and angst, especially with the recent eps of "The Body" and the upcoming "Forever," here's the Top Angsty Romantic Moments from Buffy.

this comes from some spam i received this morning:

Researchers at the University of Kentucky found that women exposed to pictures of men that had been sprayed with [the pheromone] Androstenone found the men far more sexually attractive.

this Androstenone is powerful stuff, but definitely not for me. when i get home tonight, i'm gonna break out my Junior Chemist set and the EZ Bake oven and create my own line of anti-Androstenone, or maybe Homostenone. i think there's a lucrative market out there for it.

dark scary clouds swirled through the sky in multiple directions. big fat rain drops pelted me as i walked from my car to my office. the wind howled and clawed at people with umbrellas. executives in tasteless suits ran from their privileged parking spaces to the safety of the covered loading docks, slowing only to step daintily over puddles and rivulets.

i love when it rains.

car trouble last night has given me reason to take today to have the problem corrected. only now, my car's not doing anything that needs correcting. she thinks it's funny.

i've tried to describe the problem to mechanics, but they say, uniformly, that unless they can see the symptoms themselves, they cannot diagnose the problem. my car is not cooperating with me. she's trying to make a fool of me.

it's some sort of power game. she wants me to know that i'm at her mercy, and that it's actually she who owns me. she hates me.

that's what i get for giving her the name of a demon.

you know, my day would be much emptier without Max. he's a prolific poster, which is usually enough to cover any shortfall when some of my other regular reads are posting less, out of town, or redesigning.

Brazilian lost tribe discovered.

there are several things about this article that really draw my ire, beginning with the title. lots of ire.
[asshole anthrologists discovered through Metafilter]

"the true wolf population is a fraction of the officially stated 100 animals."

does this mean there are only 100 total wolves in Norway? and Norway sanctioned the hunting of a tenth of them?
[bastards via Metafilter]

"The government of the Australian state of Victoria has banned a planned Good Friday debut of the director's cut of The Exorcist, the Associated Press reported."

heh.