fuckwit is my new favorite word. it's fun to say, and i think it's appropriate that the first person i get to call 'a fuckwit' is myself. i had the opportunity today to speak to my brother. i haven't talked to him in four years, because he lives with my father, and my father doesn't want his only remaining son talking to the faggots.

anyway, today, at my nephew's soccer game, as i'm saying goodbye to my nephews, my father and brother are standing there, just a few feet away. my sisters tell me that our father has really mellowed out during that last couple of years, and i guess he has a little, considering that his only reaction was to take a step away and turn his back to me, both ignoring me (which is really the same way he interacted with me when he was still talking to me) and appearing to give silent assent allowing me to talk to my brother.

so, i turn to my brother, who, at one time, followed me everywhere because he thought his big brother was the coolest thing in the world, the little boy who begged for years for my old Transformers toys, the boy who, when i left for college, would sleep with my hand-puppet green dragon named Spike because he missed me, this little boy who is now fifteen and resembles me far more than i'd like (shattering the hopes i had that his father is not my father), i turned to him today, took a deep breath, and said "Hi." that was all. i stood there, with years and years of things to say, and i couldn't pick out just one thing to talk about. so we stood quietly for a moment, before my father (er- his father) decided it was time for them to go, and i watched him leave while thinking 'fuckwit!Terrence' and hoping that, by the next opportunity, i'll have improved my conversational skills beyond the salutation.