Sunday night, the nightly news came on with the line "In Medical Breakthroughs tonight: If you drink coffee, you may want to see this report before you have that second cup."

as a beginner coffee drinker, i thought that i should see if my new addiction may be causing cancer or curing infertility or something. the story, of course, was buried deep in the newscast, between the weather and sports, so i had to watch nearly the whole program (i hate local newscasts. too many Human Interest Stories, too little real news). finally, they get to the Medical Breakthroughs section, and i shall now summarize the report for you:

drinking coffee may cause a need for urination

seriously. that's what it came down to. not even a 'may cause you to urinate more frequently'. just that it may make you go pee. 'Coffee contains caffeine. Caffeine is a diuretic. Diuretics make you urinate.' hard hitting stuff. believe it or not, this station actually wins Emmys.

next week's story will be summarized as "Not eating may make you hungry."